Veb camera granny
Half-full bottles of dish soap, shampoo, conditioner, vinegar, ketchup. We retrieving the foam cushion, the plastic utensils, the yellow pages.
Eventually we picked ourselves up and went across the road.
We watched him rip and throw it all into the parking lot. There were drawer-liners blowing away in the night.
At 10 pm, we watched him casually walk out of work and then start running to his truck… He tore through it without appreciating that it was than trash—it was an art installation. A message that said— you are an ass, and now we will remember you fondly. I fell off the car onto the pavement because I was blind from the gallons of water pouring out of my eyes. After he left, the parking lot was strewn with trash and semi-trash.
We sat on the hood of our car and talked about how glad we were, to give him such a heartfelt gift. The kind of laughter where you think you might vomit or have a seizure or worst case scenario— suffer cerebral hypoxia from lack of oxygen to your brain.
There is only so much diplomacy you can bring to that interaction. We sped home— delightedly anticipating the angry voicemail— but there was nothing. And someone called me and said—maybe this is going to sound crazy?
But what we really meant was: how did we miss the giant sign on his forehead? Lara and I looked at each other with the specific combination of incredulity and rage and hysteria that only your best friend understands. Not just at his bold disregard for polite conversation, but by our unacceptable lack of snappy comebacks. We said things like— his ponytail should have clued us in… Shortly after I started blogging, I wrote one of my favorite posts— a departure from anything house-related, it was the story of how my best friend and I packed up and moved to Texas. We bought two plastic lawn chairs, two futons without the frames, and acquired a piece of foam we called the “sofa.” Other than that, the apartment was basically empty. She waived it at me and said— it’s such a waste to just And I said — OH MY GOD. Rob was a wildly-entertaining jackass, who had initially only revealed his charm. Rob ignored us until his girlfriend went to the bathroom. So now you cannot have any reaction at all, because he might interpret one as caring, and that would be The only option is to back away. With whatever exploded bits of your dignity are left… However, when you are 23, nothing is dictated by logic. So instead of walking away and rolling your eyes, you spend a lot of time thinking about it. This becomes the crux of the matter: your failure to defend your dignity. But I ended up taking part of the story out: the part about how we filled an ex-boyfriend’s truck with trash. He had fooled one of us into thinking that spending time with him was fun. Then he came over and said— look, I didn’t tell you, but I have a girlfriend. sweeping up scraps and stuffing the pieces in your pockets and saying— oh excuse me, can you just lift your foot? And suffering reoccurring-mortification-flashbacks. Either by wryly cutting him down to size, or by carrying grenades in your handbag.
At the time, I was new to this whole idea of over-sharing with total strangers on the internet, and I cautioned myself to exercise some restraint. In Rob’s case, it took no time at all to realize he was an idiot and not deserving of one second of heartbreak or sadness. But I’ve developed a sense of (possibly misguided) friendship with you total strangers, and I really In Texas, Lara and I lived in an apartment with no furniture. But it took nearly three months to realize what he deserving of— shelf liners, broken umbrellas, and everything else we were throwing away.