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04-Mar-2016 16:03

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When I started college, I didn’t have any dating experience. I ended up having a “boyfriend” for three weeks freshman year, counting the five-day Thanksgiving vacation. My reasoning was, “Nobody else will ever want me anyway, so if somebody shows interest, jump in.” It was a “relationship”, if you can call it that, for the sake of having a relationship — all surface.I am the type of person who tries to intellectually analyze emotional happenings because they make little logical sense to me.In childhood, I used my stuffed animals to stand for different people in social situations that I acted out before bed.I’ve turned to my journal, my therapists, and my family members to share my rational reasoning behind feelings and social life.My sister informed me that my number-based formula, which credited people in my life on ten different qualities and items on a 1-to-5 scale in order to figure out who was my friend, was completely ridiculous and lacking.If I don’t understand people from the social perspective, then I analyze them intellectually.I categorize people in relation to me, sometimes in highly-questionable ways — for instance, I notice that my bullies somehow made it into the “friendly acquaintance” or “friend” lists of my teen years.I went off on a long and vague tangent before stopping, staring at her, and admitting, “Honestly, I’m not even sure what dating is!

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’ I went out, crying.” “Philip the Bad” wasn’t my friend, much less a grade-school love. I do my best to tread them and I think I have the important parts down pat, like how to love people and be kind to them, but the subtleties of body language, the knowledge of appropriate responses, and the idea of being in touch with my feelings escapes me. He Yelled an ear-deafing Yell and said to me ‘NEVER STEP ON THE MASTER’S FOOT!

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