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05-Feb-2015 00:16

You don’t have to state that you’re attracted to larger bodies. You talking to a fat girl, showing interest, says all we need to know, without words! And it doesn’t win you any points.) It may seem silly to mention, but it actually is important. There’s no special way you need to talk to them, no different procedure, here. That can be a real self-esteem killer for us, and it can make us gun shy. Just try to assure her that you’re attracted to what’s on the inside and the outside! I understand that it can be hard, you’re afraid of your friends or your family ragging on you for dating fat girls.You wouldn’t message a thin girl and say ‘I think you’re hot, I’m really attracted to skinny girls’, would you? So we can tend to be a little leery when a guy professes interest. If you’ve managed to stick by rule number one, you might get a question like ‘So you don’t care that I’m fat? This might sound harsh, but you have no idea how many men expect some kind of reward for being attracted to fat girls. Maybe it’s not socially ‘in’ right now, but the fact of the matter is, PLENTY of guys like fat girls. But if you think that’s bad, try being the fat girlfriend.I’ve seen so many opening lines, especially on dating sites, along the lines of Here’s the thing. You probably think that it’ll make fat girls more likely to contact you first, but honestly it’s hurting your cause more than anything. *(Note, saying things like ‘real women have curves’, ‘only dogs like bones’, ‘skinny girls are gross’ are horrible things to say. We’re real people with real personalities and feelings. Again, can’t speak for all fat girls, but lots of us have had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to dating.It makes you sound like all you care about is our bodies, that’s the most important part to you. So during a first conversation, again, you don’t have to qualify why you’re talking to her. You are more than welcome to have your preferences, but putting down other body types or other people’s preferences is NOT okay. Men who’ll talk the good talk but won’t be seen with us in public, men who’ll have sex with us but make fun of fat girls to their friends, men who think we’re ‘desperate’ and ‘easy’ and just a quick lay. If you don’t think there are guys out there who like fat girls, you are so wrong.

This is written in a pretty heteronormative manner, which I apologize for, but the experiences I’m most familiar with are men trying to chase women here. Mentioning this first because it’s SUPER important, and it’s the first thing guys tend to mess up on.

A lot of times when a fat girl is out with a guy in public, people assume that they’re ‘just friends.’ There’s such a stigma out there that fat girls never get the guy. Understand that us ladies live in a culture where every magazine, every commercial, every ad is telling us that our bodies are wrong. Living in a fat bodies shapes many experiences for a person, and it’s important to understand and be sensitive to it.

I mentioned that most of us have had bad experiences, being the ‘secret’ lover, not ever getting to meet a guy’s friends, and it’s really quite painfully true. There are lots of folks out there who hate fat people. But the truth is, fat is one of those defining features that can’t really be ignored.

The fact that I have to add this piece of advice kind of makes me sad, but I feel it’s important. The vitriol some people have for others based purely on body size can be quite frightening. It’s not who a person is, but you can’t ignore it either.

I’ve thankfully been in a relationship for over two years now – I say thankfully, because it’s tough out there (well, that and I’m very much in love with my boyfriend!) The more I talk to my friends, the more I realize that men have no idea how to talk to fat girls.



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