Dating the child of a hoarder
Someone else told me that maybe this was the time where you didn’t need someone to leave you and I should stay a bit longer. It’s like a little badge I can now wear saying, “Look, here it is, I TOLD HIM! But yet, I sit here in tears because you maybe out getting drunk. And then I also feel freedom to explore new people and maybe find someone to have a wonderful life with. Continue reading » abuse Beginning blame children children of hoarders Church clean house cleaning COH craptastic daughter death denial Dr.The night before our first date you got drunk and passed out in a restaurant and they called me to come get you and because I didn’t know what to do I was going to. I hold onto guilt and I do not know how to let it go.
For this, all America needs to get it’s fucking act together. How does one COH help another COH with abuse, rejection, PTSD… I KNEW you had a problem and I enabled you because I didn’t know what else to do. I reached out to a few friends and they told me to break up with you.
But, on the off chance you do, I want you to know I care. As a COH, as a child of a mom that wasn’t always the best, who hit me with objects, who didn’t like me more days than she did… There is more I never told you, even though I bared my soul to you more than anyone I have in the past. I held nothing back, only never answered the questions you didn’t ask. You could almost say you hold me in all the memories you have. No judgement, no pity, only I felt helpless knowing that I couldn’t help you. I wrote down all the things that made you not good on paper. As I sit here looking at it, all I can do is feel so damn guilty I didn’t stop and talk to you about getting help. If I pushed, I figured it would get us to where we are now. I know in my head I am so much better off not being with you. And I wasn’t going to go out with you that next day. Long story short, I met you and I fell for the hair and the cut over the eye. How hard you tried to impress me even though I KNEW how you were.
I watched you go through what I’ve never seen anyone do in person. I didn’t want to push, I didn’t want to control you. That doesn’t make me feel any better about it you know.
A survivor of abuse made me strong in some ways, except those rare nights were I was so tried trying to keep up with you and my life that I just needed to cry a little. I ignore my instincts, the chemicals rushing through my body shouting, “no this is wrong! I just wanted to somehow make you as angry as I was. I needed to wait and have a talk with you where you couldn’t hide and refused to face what you did. I remember you saying you stopped going to therapy and now I can’t get those words out of my head.
As a COH I think I can get and deal with some things that other people can’t. I have to think now, what does all of this say about me? I write about shit that bothers me here for all others to read. I feel so guilty over not trying to get you to get help. Objects are often seen as an extension of the self, as hoarders require a strong sense of control over both their possessions and themselves.