Which brings us to a notion that I articulated in which has a funny way of always resurfacing on this blog: “Men look for sex and find love.” This doesn’t mean he’s a player or a liar or a loser. The way he figures out if he really wants to be in a relationship with you is based on the quality time you spend talking over that first month or two.
This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be a good husband and father one day. This is completely separate from his desire to sleep with you.
If you want to be exclusive with a guy, you have to give him time to want to be exclusive with you.
That can reveal itself over days, weeks, or a couple of months. The guy who’s been casually seeing you for over two months, where he occasionally texts you, occasionally sees you is simply not putting in the requisite effort to win you over.
All it means is that when he shows up on the first date with you and sees how attracted you are, he’s not thinking about the long-term future, he’s thinking about the short-term future: Once again, I’m not proud of this fact, but it’s true. In this time, when you feel like you’re in limbo, he’s giving you a lot of information about his intentions, based on the effort he makes for you.
In 99% of relationships, either he’s breaking up with you or you’re breaking up with him. Which means that there’s a bit of risk involved in any relationship, and there’s not a single thing that your trusty dating coach can do to entirely eliminate that risk. This disconnect explains almost all of the friction in dating and once you understand it, you can make a permanent adjustment.
What I’d like to do is help you mitigate that risk a bit so that you don’t end up wasting too much time on the “wrong” men. All he knows on the first date is that he’s attracted to you.