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Sometimes, people still just appear to feel that whatever our relationship is about it is just they think it’s wrong. Though the intentions are undoubtedly in the right place in such instances, the inference is in some way the same: that because of our colour difference, our relationship must be about something other than just two people who love each other.
I’ve even felt the judgments from many of my closest white friends.
Secondly, there are a hell of a lot of South Africans – old and young, male and female, black and white and everything in-between – who also continue to be unable to consider dating anyone who isn’t more or less the same colour as they are. The blatant staring and incredulity can be boring enough to have to deal with day in, day out.
Over the past 3 years, I’ve seen this fact made manifest countless times. People literally stop in their tracks, their jaw falls open and their brain suddenly seems to malfunction. Some days I can make myself ignore it, but sometimes I’m tired, and I just want to be able to hold hands with my lover without feeling people’s eyes on us from all sides. Other times I think about telling people that if they’re so damn interested by us, We’ll let them take a picture for R20.
They’ve joked about my “jungle fever”, or implied that I obviously just have a “thing” for black girls, or that I always have to be different.
In their eyes, this is confirmed by the fact that I just so happen to have had two black girlfriends in a row.
Contrary to what you might expect, the more youthful observers are often the worst culprits. Sometimes I want to turn around and scream “For fuck’s sake! But worse than the staring and gawking, is the perceived judgment that so often comes with it.
On one occasion, a child of no more than 10 years old nudged a friend and said much too loud “Look! Waiters and waitresses, both white and non-white, are visibly shocked when my partner takes the bill at a restaurant, as they’ve obviously assumed she’s with me for my money; sometimes black women look at my partner and tut – they seem to feel that having a white boyfriend is some kind of conscious betrayal on her part; we once had to leave a hotel where we were visiting my parents for the day, because my partner felt uncomfortable about the way some old Germans were looking at her as we sat by the pool – something about the situation led her to believe they thought she was my prostitute. People come up and tell us that what we are doing is “important” or “revolutionary”.
Interestingly, even most of the numerous sources that criticized this article failed to acknowledge this gaping hole in a conversation (of sorts) about a country where 70% of the population are black.
Aside from being generally crass, sexist, offensive and reeking of sour grapes, Jonno Douchface’s article entirely failed to acknowledge that there is in fact such a thing as a BLACK South African “girl”.
First off, apologies if you’ve been mislead by the title of this post. People come up and tell us that what we are doing is “important” or “revolutionary”.If you’re really looking for advice on how to date black South African girls, then this is not the place for you. Though the intentions might be in the right place in such instances, the inference is in some way the same: that because of our colour difference, our relationship must be about something other than just two people who love each other. Firstly, he can’t help the fact that he’s Australian. Because if you hadn’t guessed by now, I’m white, and my partner is black.