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Months later when I was in a good place, my mind wandered to dating.I'd kept my eyes open for other sober people my age, but nothing clicked.So I gave in to my last resort: I downloaded Tinder. I realized that the type of person I had been looking for — someone sober, young, someone like me — wasn't as good a fit as I'd dreamed up.
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It's known for breeding more hookups than relationships, but I was hell-bent on giving it a shot. That night, we went to a 12-step meeting together, and I was convinced I'd found The One. Everything was going exactly as I'd imagined it: I'd met someone sober who understood the struggles and triumphs of recovery, and who understood and accepted me. I'd be overly anxious, almost waiting for them to relapse.The first detail I entered in my profile was that I was in recovery, so no, I did not want to meet for a drink. Then one day I received a message that read, "You're sober too? Then, as suddenly as the relationship began, it ended. It was enough to worry about keeping my own sobriety; I couldn't do the same for another person. I knew I was OK with being around alcohol even though I was sober.
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They default to whichever communication method will help them complete their to-do list as efficiently as possible — a priority that is reflected in how they communicate more generally.” So it’s no surprise that such hyper focus applies just as strongly in hookup culture, also statistically on the rise.… continue reading »
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