Anxious attachment style dating divorce lawyers dating clients
Self-sufficiency and detachment increased odds of survival.
Levine and Heller observe that we are programmed to seek out emotional intelligence in the form of emotional availability when seeking a mate.
We know that women with low self-esteem are the most likely to be drawn to bad boys and to tolerate their disrespectful behavior.
explains to the lay reader the science of human attachment. Authors Levine and Heller reject the traditional therapy model that discourages dependency between individuals.
For both men and women, emotional availability determines the potential strength of commitment, which is insurance against desertion or infidelity. “[Avoidant and anxious] attachment styles complement each other.Each reaffirms the other’s beliefs about themselves and about relationships.The avoidants’ defensive self-perception that they are strong and independent is confirmed, as is the belief that others want to pull them into more closeness than they are comfortable with.Avoidants need their partners to be needy and incapable so that they can feels independent and powerful.”“Quite soon into the relationship you start to get mixed signals. He is interested in you, but lets you know that he is still playing the field. Every time you get mixed messages, your attachment system is activated and you become preoccupied with the relationship. Then he pulls back and you live in suspense, waiting for the next positive reinforcement.
Throughout our history secure attachment has worked best because our ancestors lived predominantly in close knit groups where working together was by far the best way to secure their future and that of their offspring.
But for those born into hostile conditions, skills other than collaborative ones became more important in fending off hunger, disease, and natural disasters.