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15-Sep-2015 03:59

Perhaps some of them were even a little nuts before they were widowed (we are changed by our losses... I also think that widowers with children still at home (most of the widowers I know fall in this category) are a bit more justified in hanging on to "stuff" from their past lives and sharing family (like in-laws) and memories a bit more actively.This is a giant set of exceptions that negates, for me, a lot of Abel's advice.some of the ways that widowers behave badly in the dating market. Sometimes this means there are no pictures of the kids, either, or that the divorce lives in hotel-room-like impersonal environment. It is hard to avoid, but "constantly" would piss anybody off. not to mention tourists: the Taj Mahal was built to remember the Shah's late wife.Just because people ask a question, doesn't mean there is a substantive answer to be found...

To be honest I have been pretty suspicious of these areas in part because when I was dating, at 40 ... To me, the only relevant person to compare a widower's baggage to was... (I mostly restricted my searches to men who had been parents, because I had a young child and needed someone who'd understand that if I cancelled a date due to flu that he shouldn't take it personally... prejudices which had been confirmed by experience.).

I do not doubt that many women DO ask these questions and that people are confronting some difficult situations with this "baggage." But emotionally unavailable men come in many flavors. I married a divorced man and we spend more time dealing with his feelings about his 23-year marriage disintegrating and their divorce than we do with Gavin almost literally disintegrating before my eyes and his death. (Plus we live in their house but dude, I KNOW that's weird, and it was equally my choice.) People "compare" me to Mr.

And it seems too easy to me to provide advice to women who are dating... What makes widowed men so much more "difficult" to deal with than, say, divorced men? (Although the score does even out a bit if you start counting the time I spend on managing his posthumous career as an artist and the fact that I spend tons of time on volunteer work for widowed people like Widowed Village and the Soaring Spirits board. Fresh's first wife all the time, and they compare him to Gavin all the time, but kindly, and without excessive characterization. As stated in many examples above, divorced men do not tend to have fond memories of their ex-wives.

) I've always wanted to do a comparison that went beyond "my husband didn't WANT to leave me." Abel has just published a huge list justifying why this is a legitimate area... Often the ex-wife has been cut out of the family photos and pictures are spookily absent. We both do it, too, but again, most of the time, we do it gently and usually we're talking about behavior and not, say, waist size. I believe however that new partners benefit from displays of love like this....

as well as first hand experience as a member of the population in question. I'll admit that those who date widowed people is not a group I have chosen to speak to or for...Abel is far from the only author tackling this subject: in addition to his two books, Dating a Widower and Marrying a Widower, there is Julie Donner Anderson's Past: Perfect! and that knowing how few men under 55 are widowed compared to women (at one time Social Security told me it was 1 man to 7 women) makes me quite skeptical...